Drive a car

A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, “Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes…”

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Windows Password

I hate Windows. Just tried to set my password to “mydick” but apparently it’s too short.

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Fruity School Joke

Teacher: If you had 13 apples, 12 grapes, 3 pineapples and 3 strawberries, what would you have? Billy: A delicious fruit salad.

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Control Freak

Knock! Knock! Q: Who’s there? A: Control Freak. Q: Con… A: Okay, now you say, “Control Freak who?”

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What’s the difference between an elephant and a biscuit?

What’s the difference between an elephant and a biscuit? You can’t dip an elephant in your tea!

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What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?

What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses? A coconut on vacation.

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Robber

A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, “Wait, you forgot the remote!”

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Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

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What animal has more lives than a cat?

Frogs, they croak every night!

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Teacher

An old teacher asked her student, “If I say, ‘I am beautiful,’ which tense is that?” The student replied, “It is obviously past.”

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Teacher Joke

Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses to school? Why? She had bright students!

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Library

Librarian – “Yes, how can I help you? Blonde – “Hi, I need help with my bibliography, how can I find out Ibid’s first name?

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What’s the difference between my ex and the titanic?

What’s the difference between my ex and the titanic? The titanic only went down on 1,000 people.

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Little Sally

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, “Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!” Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, “It reminded me of a peanut.” Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally’s mom asked, “Really small, was it?” Sally replied, “No, salty.” Mom fainted.

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Cow

Teacher: “I asked you to draw a cow and grass, but I only see a cow. Where is grass?”Student: “The cow ate the grass, sir.”

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Math Teacher Joke

Math teacher: A man from Los Angeles drove toward New York at 250 miles per hour and a man from New York drove toward Los Angeles at 150 m.p.h. Where did they meet? Tommy: In jail!

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robber

After robbing a bank, a blond, a brunette, and a redhead duck into an alley where they hide in potato sacks. The cops first go to the sack with the brunette in it and kick it. The brunette says, “Meow.” They go to the sack with the redhead and kick it. She says, “Woof, woof.” Last, they kick the sack with the blond, and she says, “Po-ta-to.”

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How many surreal artists does it take to screw in a lightbulb

How many surreal artists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three! One to hold the giraffe, and one to put the clocks in the bath tub.

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What do you call shaving a crazy sheep?

Shear madness.

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Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where you left it.

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