2021-May-22 - Reading time: ~1 minute

Two nuns are painting an office at the rectory on a hot summer day. One says to the other, we should take off our habits so as to not get paint on them. So both nuns are painting the room in the nude when they hear a knock on the door. Flustered, one says, "Who is it?" followed by a man's voice saying, "Blind man." Figuring the man wouldn't see anything, they open the door. The man walks in and says, "Nice tits ladies. Now, where do you want me to install these blinds?"


2021-May-22 - Reading time: ~1 minute

A husband says to his wife, "Why don’t you tell me when you orgasm?" She replies, "I don’t like calling you when you’re at work."


2021-May-20 - Reading time: ~1 minute

A family is at the zoo and they get to the elephants when the daughter notices something odd so she looks at her mom and says, "Mom what's that thing hanging down from the elephant?" She answers, "That's his trunk." "No, in the back," the daughter says. "That's his tail." "No, underneath!" The mother blushes and says, "Oh that's nothing."
The daughter is confused, so she asks her dad. "Dad, what's that thing hanging down under the elephant?" "Oh, that's his penis," the day replies. "Why when I asked Mommy did she say it was nothing?"
"Oh, she's just spoiled."


2021-May-19 - Reading time: ~1 minute

Managed to have sex with my girlfriend for 1 hour 30 minutes doggy style last night. That’s 4 minutes in human time.


2021-May-19 - Reading time: ~1 minute

At a family breakfast the following conversation takes place between a dad and his 5 year old son.

Son: Daddy what are those big round things on mummies chest?”
Dad: They’re balloons son. When mummy dies we can blow them up and she’ll float to heaven.”
Son: Really? Because Uncle Robert was blowing them up yesterday and mummy kept saying “Oh God, I’m coming” but she didn’t float anywhere!