Math teacher: A man from Los Angeles drove toward New York at 250 miles per hour and a man from New York drove toward Los Angeles at 150 m.p.h. Where did they meet? Tommy: In jail!

Teacher: If you had 13 apples, 12 grapes, 3 pineapples and 3 strawberries, what would you have? Billy: A delicious fruit salad.

Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses to school? Why? She had bright students!

What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses? A coconut on vacation.

Teacher: “I asked you to draw a cow and grass, but I only see a cow. Where is grass?”Student: “The cow ate the grass, sir.”

Two students were arguing when their teacher entered the classroom. The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?” One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.” “You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher, “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.” The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.  

An old teacher asked her student, “If I say, ‘I am beautiful,’ which tense is that?” The student replied, “It is obviously past.”