CORONA JOKES

2021-May-23 - Reading time: 3 minutes
Why did the chicken cross the road?  Because the chicken behind it didn’t know how to socially distance properly.
Two grandmothers were bragging about their precious darlings. One of them says to the other, “Mine are so good at social distancing, they won’t even call me.”
Since we’re all in quarantine I guess we’ll be making only inside jokes from now on.
How did the health experts lie? They said a mask and gloves was enough to go to the grocery store. When I got there, everyone else had clothes on.
What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet? One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis.
What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? The wurst-kase scenario.
You know who buys up all the toilet paper? Assholes.What did the man say to the bartender? I’ll have a corona, hold the virus.
I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. Times are rough.
I’ve a joke on corona. But its already viral.
A friend had his 2nd injection of the vaccine at the vaccination center and began to have blurred vision the whole way home.
When he got home, he called the vaccination center for advice and to ask if he should go see a doctor, or be hospitalized.
He was told to come back to the vaccination center as a matter of urgency to take back his forgotten glasses.

Did you know that Tesla has started producing an anti-Corona device? It's called the Elon Mask.

Bud went to the doctors office
He asked: Doctor, how much for the Corona test
Doctor: 150$
Dan sneezed on the doctors face and said:
Go get your test, if you are positive that means i am too"

HELIUM JOKES

2021-May-23 - Reading time: ~1 minute

A proton, a neutron and Helium walk into a bar and order three beers.
The bartender appears with three beers in hand and asks the proton, “Are you sure you are above 21?”
The proton replies, “I’m positive.” The bartender then gives the proton his beer.
He then says to neutron while giving him the second beer, “For you, no charge.”
He then proceeded to throw the last beer into Helium’s face.
Helium didn’t react.

Did you hear the joke about the two helium atoms?
He He
My friend recently told me a joke about Helium
He He He




WHAT EATS PAPER?

2021-May-21 - Reading time: ~1 minute

What is small, brown and eats paper?
A small brown paper-eater!

LOOKING FOR MONEY

2021-May-19 - Reading time: ~1 minute

Last night a thief broke into my house and started looking for money so i woke up and joined him.

DICTIONARY

2021-May-19 - Reading time: ~1 minute

My friend said “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” So, I threw a dictionary at his face.

COCONUT

2021-May-19 - Reading time: ~1 minute

My clever friend said that onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut in his face.