What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake
What do you call a cow spying on another cow?
A steak out.
What do you call a cow that just had a baby?
Decalfinated.
What's the most musical part of a chicken?
The drumstick!
What’s a cats favorite dessert?
Chocolate mouse.
What’s black and white and blue?
A depressed zebra.
Where did the cow want to go on Friday night?
To the moo-vies!
Where did the sheep go on vacation?
The Baaaa-hamas!
Why did the elephant stay in the airport?
They were waiting for their trunk.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, but a frog croaks every night
What's the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can't tuna fish!
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
Take away their credit cards.
What day do chickens fear the most?
Fry-days.
What did mama cow say to baby cow?
"It’s pasture bedtime."
What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies?
"Should we walk home or take a dog?"
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison!
Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?
They kept dropping their trunks!
Why did the fish blush?
It saw the ocean’s bottom.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a dog magician?
A Labracadabrador!
What do you get when you put three ducks in a box?
A box of quackers!
What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?
It gets toad.
What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
I don’t know, but you can step in a poodle.
What has fangs and webbed feet?
Count Duckula.
What is a cat's favorite song?
Three Blind Mice!
What is a dog's favorite city?
New Yorkie!
What is more amazing than a talking dog?
A spelling bee!
What kind of ant is even bigger than an elephant?
A gi-ant!
What kind of computers do horses use?Macintosh.
What kind of jungle cat is no fun to play games with?
A cheetah.
Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
He was trying to make both ends meet.
Why do birds fly south in the winter?
Because it's too far to walk!
Why do cats always get their way?
They make a purr-suasive case.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
Why do cows like being told jokes?
Because they like being a-moosed!
Why do fish live in saltwater?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Why do pandas like old movies?
Why don’t dogs make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow-herd.
What kind of sports cars do cats drive?
Fur-arris.
What kind of ties do pigs wear?
Pig sties!
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
"Ouch!"
What steps do you take if you a tiger is running towards you?
Big ones!
What time does a duck wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
What to rabbits eat for breakfast?
IHOP.
What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon.
What do you call a grizzly bear caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear!
What do you call a horse that lives next door?
A neigh-bor.
What do you call a parrot when it has dried itself after a bath?
Polly unsaturated!
What do you call a sleeping cow?
A bull-dozer.
What do you call a thieving alligator?
A crook-o-dile.
What do you call an alligator who is a thief?
A crookodile!
What do you call an alligator who solves mysteries?
An investgator!
What do you call an alligator with a spy glass?
An investigator.
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad!
What do you call shaving a crazy sheep?
Shear madness.
What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth!
Where did the sheep go on vacation?
The Baaaahamas.
Where do fish sleep?On a water bed.
Where do milkshakes come from?
Nervous cows.
Which kinds of snakes are found on cars?
Who stole the soap out of the bathtub?
The robber ducky.
Why are cats bad storytellers?
Because they only have one tale.
Why are cats so good at video games?
Because they have nine lives.
Why are dogs like phones?
Because they have collar IDs.
Why are elephants never rich?
Because they work for peanuts!
Why can’t a leopard hide?
Beca
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk!
What do you get if you cross a chicken and a cow?
A roost beef.
What do you get if you cross fireworks with a duck?
Firequackers!
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a cow?
Roost beef!
What do you get when you cross a hammock and a dog?
A rocker spaniel!
What do you get when you cross a sheepdog with a rose?
A collie-flower!
How do horses stay in such great shape?
They keep a stable diet.
How do you say bye-bye to a curly-haired dog?
Poodle-oo.
What was the goal of the detective duck?
To quack the case, of course.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
"Ruff!"
What did the horse say when it fell?
"I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!"
What did the judge say when the skunk came into his courtroom?
Odor in the court!
What does a fish do in a crisis?Sea-kelp.
What does the horse say when the bartender greets him by saying "hey"?"
You read my mind!"
What dog keeps the best time?
A watch dog.
What goes "ooo ooo oo"?
A cow with no lips.
What happens to a toad's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class?"
"Why the long face?"
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries!
What do fish do at football games?
They wave.
What do you call a cat that’s in trouble with the police?
A purr-petrator.
What do you call a cat wearing shoes?
Puss in boots.
What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?
Lost!