BEST CROCODILE JOKES
Two crocodiles were sitting at the side of the river.
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said,
"I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me.
We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it"......
''Well,' said the big Croc, What have you been eating"...?
"Politicians, same as you", replied the small Croc,
'And I can tell you how I catch them in the car park next to Parliament.
I crawl up under one of their posh cars and wait for one to unlock the car door.
Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them, and eat 'em!'
'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment.
See by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a politician,
there's nothing left but an arsehole and a briefcase.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, I’ll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, I don’t know how you can make love to me with your type of body. So I asked her, How about a little head?
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his pants and washes his hands. The girl watches him and says, “You must be a dentist” The guy, surprised, says “Yes…how did you figure that out?” The girl says, “Easy… you keep washing your hands." One thing led to another and they make love. After they were done, the girl says, “You must be a great dentist.” The guy, now with a boosted ego says, “Yes, I sure am a great dentist. How did you figure that out?” The girl says, “Easy… I didn’t feel a thing!”