Why is the metro in Rome the safest place to avoid the virus?
Because the waiting time is longer than the incubation time.
A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says:
"I’ll have a Corona please, hold the virus.
In these quarantine days we find new ways to communicate! A good example is my neighbor who stood up at 7. am this morning and started listened to very loud heavy metal music…. What ever he liked it or not!
To the people who bought 20 bottles of soap leaving none of the shelves for others, you do realise that to stop getting Coronavirus,
you need other people washing their hands too.
If you’ve ever eaten at Papaya King on New York’s Upper East Side, you’re immune to coronavirus.
The corona fear is so bad that Mexicans won’t drink it anymore!
Prediction: There will be a minor baby boom in 9 month, and then one day in 2033, we shall witness the rise of the QUARANTEENS!
Krispy Kreme offered free donuts to the vaccinated,
so by 2022, 98% of the US population will either have COVID-19 or type II diabetes.
Since everybody has now started washing their hands, the peanuts at the bar have lost their taste.
In Germany they are preparing for the crisis by stocking up with sausage and cheese. That’s the Würst Case scenario!
To those who are complaining about the quarantine period and curfews, just remember that your grandparents were called to war, you are being called to sit on the couch and watch Netflix. You can do this.
People with a cold – "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible"
People with Corona Virus – "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria,
visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago
Breaking News: World Health Organization has issued a statement that animals can not transmit Corona and that all animals,
including dogs, should be released from quarantine. WHO Let the Dogs Out!
How come the liquor stores don’t have empty shelves? Don’t people understand that they will be quarantined with their spouses and kids?
The Corona pandemic clearly shows us which people we choose, when we're forced to limit ourselves.
The guys and I ate stuff from the fridge in our shared apartment for five years and we're still alive.
Whatever's in that Corona vaccine can't be more dangerous.
Schools stay open during the pandemic to ensure that bad students come back home with positive results for once.
I tested negative to Covid yesterday and positive today. No symptoms what so ever. Covid had the courage to challenge me. Bad idea.
I dare saying that in regard of protecting us from Corona, a mask that may be uncomfortable is way more effective than a tin foil hat.
BREAKING NEWS – Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus.
In his house they found 1000 cans of food,
50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stock piled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"‘ he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don’t know, Sir.
I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine." The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much.
That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely: "Are – my – test – results – back?"