A blind man walks into a bar and asks, "You all wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The female bartender responds, "Let me stop you right there. I'm a blonde. The big bouncer at the door is a blonde. There's a biker chick sitting next to you, who is also a blonde. The singer on the stage, the manager of the bar, and two of the people at the table behind you are all blondes. Now think, do you REALLY want to tell that joke here?
"Nah," the man sighs, "not if I'm gonna have to explain it 7 times."

A State Patrol sees a motorcycle puttering down the middle of the interstate at 22 MPH & he says to himself,
"This is just as dangerous as speeders!" He turns on his lights
and pulls the bike over. Approaching, he notices it is an elderly gentlemen with a wide eyed, white as a ghost biker chick on the back. The old biker obviously confused, says to the officer, “I don't understand, I was doing the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
The officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving way slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to you & other drivers." I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old biker says a bit cocky. The State Patrol,
trying to contain a chuckle explains to him that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the old man grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out the error, and started to ride off. The officer says "Hold on... Before I let ya go, I have to ask... Is your passenger OK? Your ole lady seems awfully shaken & she hasn't muttered a single peep this whole time."
"Oh, she'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

A woman goes to her doctor's office, to discuss a strange development.
She has discovered a green spot on the inside of each thigh.
They won't wash off, they won't scrape off, and they seem to be getting
worse.
The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem,
And tells her not to worry until he gets the tests back.
A few days later, the woman's phone rings.
Much to her relief, it's the doctor.
She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.
The doctor says: 'You're perfectly healthy--there' s no problem.
But I'm wondering, was your boyfriend that Harley guy in the waiting room?'
The woman stammers, 'Why, Yes, but how did you know?'
Tell him his earrings aren't real gold.

An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
"Fred," he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
The biker replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me." I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD."
"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD."

A man walks into a bar and asks,
"Does anyone here own the Rottweiler outside?"
"Yeah, I do!" says a biker, standing up. "What about it?"
"Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him..." The man hesitated.
"What are you talking about?!" the biker says in disbelief. "How could your little runt kill my Rottweiler?"
"Well, he got stuck in your dog's throat."

A guy is at the Pearly Gates, hoping to be admitted, and St. Peter says to the guy, "I can't see that you did anything really good in your life, but you never did anything bad either. I tell you what, if you can tell me one really good deed that you did, you're in."
So the guy says: "Once I was driving down the road and saw a gang of bikers assaulting this poor girl. So I pulled over, got out my car, grabbed a tire iron and walked straight up to the gang's leader - A huge ugly guy with a studded leather jacket, bald head but with hair all over his body, and a chain running from his nose to his ear.
Undaunted, I ripped the chain out of his nose and ear and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and, wielding my tire iron, yelled to the rest of them, 'You leave this poor, innocent lady alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"
Impressed, St. Peter says: "Really? I can't seem to find this in your file. When did this happen?"
"Oh, about two minutes ago."

A little guy is sitting in a bar staring at his drink for over an hour. A big ugly biker walks up to the bar, takes the little guys drink and gulps it down. Then looks at the little guy as if to say now what you going to do about it. The little guy starts to cry.
The big guy say's," Ah now I didn't mean to make you cry, I hate to see a man cry." The little guy starts to explain,"I woke up late this morning missed an important meeting, my boss fired me. Went to the parking lot to find somebody stole my car, had no Insurance. Left my wallet in the cab I took home, found my wife in bed with another man, and my dog bit me. I came in here trying to get up the courage to kill myself, and now you went and drank the damn poison."

A nasty old biker named "TAZ" walks into a bank and says to the woman at the teller window "I want to open a damn checking account." The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up, damn it.
I said I want to open a damn checking account now!" "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to the window and the manager asks the old biker, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?" "There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million dollars in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!" "I see", says the manager, "and is this b!tch giving you a hard time?"

I was driving along the highway in my truck yesterday when a motorbike pulled up along side me. The guy on the bike looked at me, pulled a wheelie and then did a handstand on the bike. Then he tapped on my window and said: “You’ve haven’t got a spare cigarette have you?”
I said: “A cigarette? You’re going to kill yourself!”
He said: “No I won’t, I only smoke 10 a day.”

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley
motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...
"Try doing it with the engine running."

A biker gang comes into a transport cafe
and start picking on a little middle-aged man just sitting down to an all-day breakfast. They steal most of it, spit in his tea, and pull away his chair from under him, until eventually he gives up and walks out silently.
They laugh loudly and say to the waitress "He wasn't much of a man, was he?"
"No," she says: "and he's not much of a truck driver either -- he's just backed an eighteen-wheeler over a whole line of motorbikes."

One fine summer’s evening, Paddy, Mick and Liam are riding back home from the bar, all three of them on Paddy’s motorcycle.
Of course, they get stopped by a cop who says to them, “This motorcycle is only licensed to carry two people, and there are three of you. One of you will have to get off and walk.”
“Three of us?” says Paddy as he turns to Mick. “Jeez, what happened to Rory and Niall?”

A biker went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the biker and asked, "Are you a real biker?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on Harleys. My momma was pregnant with me when she rode on the back of my Daddy's Harley, then as a little boy I rode on the back with my Daddy until I finally got my own Harley. I've been riding a Harley ever since. So yes, I guess I am a real biker."
She said: "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women; when I shower, watch TV, eat, whatever, everything seems to make me think of women." Then she got up and left.
The biker was thinking about what just happened when a man sat down next to the biker and asked, "Are you a real biker?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

Two California bikers are riding through Texas when they get pulled over by a State Trooper.
The trooper walks up and stands there for a second, then whacks the biker with his night stick on the head. The rider slumps over his handlebars for a minute then comes to and asks, "WTF was that for?"
The trooper says: "You're in Texas, son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your ride." Not wanting to make his situation with the law any worse, the rider says: "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here." The trooper runs a check on the guy's license and it comes up clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around the back of the first bike and as he steps up next to the second rider the trooper smacks him with the nightstick on the head too.
After he recovers, the somewhat dazed biker asks, "Hey, Man!! What was that for?" The trooper answers,
"Just making your wishes come true." Still incredulous, the biker follows up with, "Huh?" The trooper says:
"I know how you California bikers are.
Two miles down the road you're gonna look over at your buddy and shout, "I wish that redneck would've tried that crap with me!"

Two bikers walked into a bar. Each one orders two whiskeys and immediately downs them. They motion to the bartender, order two more apiece, and those two disappear. Again they summon the barkeep for another round. As soon as the shot glasses are placed on the bar, one of the tramps hoists his drink, turns to the other, and says: "Cheers."
The other biker growls: "Hey, asshole, did you come here to bullshit, or did you come here to drink?"