Why don't blondes use 911 in an emergency? Because they can't find "eleven" on the phone dial.

A counterfeiter spent all day making funny money. At the end of the day she realizes that she had spent all her time making $15 bills. She figures that the only way she's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change the phony money for real cash. She travels to a small town in West Virginia and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store. She goes to the blonde behind the counter and asks her, "Do you have change for a $15 bill?" The blonde replies, "I sure do...How would you like that? An 8 and a 7 or two 6s and a three?"

Two blond carpenters were working on a house. One was on a ladder nailing. She'd reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood. The other carpenter couldn't stand it any longer and yells up, "Why are you throwing some of the nails away?" The first carpenter explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it!" The second carpenter got real excited and called her all kinds of names, and yelled "Don't throw those nails away that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house!"

A blonde college student wanted to earn extra money one summer, so she went door to door asking for odd jobs. Eventually, a man asked her to paint his porch. After working for a couple of hours, she knocked on the door. When the man opened the door she said, “I’m finished painting, but you don’t have a Porsche, it’s a Lexus.”

Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

The blonde inmates in a prison had a joke book they all had memorized. The way they recited jokes was by the number of the joke. Some inmate would call out a number from one to one hundred and all would laugh. A new blonde in the prison, after studying the book, said she wanted to tell a joke. They said, "Okay, shoot!" She said, "Number 10," but nobody laughed. She said "This is funny. What's wrong; why aren't you laughing?" An inmate nearby said, "Some can tell them and some can't."

“Strip down facing me,” a woman said. A blonde man followed her instructions but soon realized that her instructions were for swiping his credit card. He’s no longer allowed in the grocery store.

During a recent password audit by a company, it was found than a blonde employee was using the following password: PlutoHueyDagobertDeweyDonaldGoofyTickTackTrackMickeyMinnie. When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said: “Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital.”

A blonde went duck hunting with her boy friend. A flock of ducks flew over and the boy friend shot one down. The blond walked over, looked at it and said, “That was a waste of bullets to shoot that duck. The fall alone would have killed it.”

One night a man approached a blonde at a bar and said, “I couldn’t help but notice you from across the bar. You’re gorgeous. Could I get your number so I could call you sometime?” “Sure, you can find it in the phone book,” the woman replied. “But I don’t know your name,” the man said. “That’s in the phone book too,” she answered.

A blonde was returning a pair of glasses that she had purchased for her husband. The clerk asked, “What seems to be the problem with the glasses ma’am?” “I bought them for my husband, but they don’t work,” she replied. “He’s still not seeing things my way.”

A blonde woman was speeding down the highway in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. “What does it look like?” she asked. The policewoman replied, “It’s square and has your picture on it.” The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked in it and handed it to the policewoman. “Here it is,” she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “OK, you can go, I didn’t realize you were a cop.”

A man was in bed with a blonde woman when they heard a key in the front door. Frightened, the blonde looked at the man and said, “It’s my husband, Quick, jump out the window.” The man responded, “Are you crazy, we’re on the 13th floor.” The blonde exclaimed, “What? This is no time to be superstitious!”

On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and blonde wife in New Jersey were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, “We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow ploughs can get through.” So the good wife went out and moved her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, “We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow ploughs can get through.” The good wife went out and moved her car again. The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer said, “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park....” Suddenly the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, “I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow ploughs can get through?” Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all good men exhibit, the husband replied... “Why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time.”