A blonde walked over to a security guard and said, “Your escalator is broken.” The security guard asked, “Which escalator is it?” The blonde leads the guard to the top step and says, “See broken.” The security guard responded, “Those are stairs Mam.”
A woman ordered a hot chocolate at a restaurant and the blonde waitress brought her a Hershey bar and a match.
A helpful waiter said to the blonde customer, “Now with that entree, either a white wine or a light red would be appropriate. What may I serve you?” The blonde responded, “It doesn’t matter, I’m color blind.”
One day a blonde drove up to the local bar in a new sports car. Everyone came outside to see the new car and wanted to know what happened. She explained, “I won the lottery. For three nights I dreamed the number eight. Then I realized three times eight is thirty-two. So I picked numbers 8, 8, 8, 3, 2 and won.” One man responded, “Three times eight is twenty-four.” “Oh,” responded the blonde, “I guess luck can’t do math.”
A blonde found that her difficulty making even the simplest decisions was causing her problems at work, so she decided to seek professional help. The psychiatrist began slowly, “I understand you have trouble making decisions. Is that true?” The blonde’s brow furrowed. “Well,” she finally answered, “Yes... and no.”
A blonde entered the Indianapolis 500. She made nine pit stops: four for fuel and tire changes and five to ask for directions.
Two telephone company crews were assigned to put up telephone poles in a training exercise. The first crew of all men put fifteen poles in the ground. The second crew of all blonde women placed only four poles in the ground. When the foreman complained, the blond crew chief responded, “But look at how much they left sticking up out of the ground.”
A colonel was chatting with a young blonde second lieutenant in the officers’ club when a major approached coughed discretely and said he’d like to speak to the colonel about a matter of importance. “Go ahead,” said the colonel. “I’d rather not in front of the lieutenant, sir,” murmured the major. “Well,” observed the colonel, “spell it then.”
A blonde was driving along the highway and approached a service station with a sign that read, “Clean Restrooms.” So she did.
A brunette secretary told a blonde secretary, “I know how to get some time off from work.” The blonde said, “How?” The brunette climbed on top of the file cabinet, grabbed the ceiling fan and just hung there. The boss walked in and asked what she was doing. The brunette said, “I’m a lightbulb.” The boss responded, “You need some time off.” The brunette got down and walked out. The blonde started to follow her and the boss asked, “Where are you going?” She replied, “Home, I can’t work in the dark.”
A blonde had all the windows in her house replaced with energy-efficient ones. A year later, the contractor called to complain that he hadn’t received payment for the windows. The blonde replied, “You can’t con me, the salesman promised that after a year the windows would pay for themselves.”
“I think my wife is going crazy,” a blonde man said to his friend. “She seems to be terribly afraid that someone’s going to steal her clothes.” “What makes you think that,” his friend responded. “Well,” the man continued, “ when I came home the other night she had hired a man to stand in the closet and guard them.”
A blonde woman spent many hours learning to fly, but when she took her first solo flight she had trouble landing the plane and ran off the runway into a field. When her instructor ran to the plane to see if she was okay, she said, “Boy that’s a short runway.” Her instructor responded, “Yes, but look how wide it is.”
A blonde went to city hall to register to vote. The clerk asked, “When is your birthday?” She replied, “August 15.” The clerk asked, “What year?” The blonde said, “Every year.”
A blonde teenager brought a new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They were upset by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose. Later, the girls mother confessed to her daughter that they didn’t think the boy was very nice. The blonde responded, “Oh Mom, if he wasn’t nice why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?