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An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of a mistress.
The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered.
The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems.
The computer scientist says, "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!"

"Hey Alexa, can you check my bank account and see what Apple product I can afford to buy...." Alexa: "Apple Juice."

Why do astronauts use Linux? Because you can't open windows in space.

I told my boss, “Sorry I’m late. I was having computer issues.” "Hard drive?" he asked. "No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop."

A businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped exhausted. His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. "My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?" "It was terrible," her husband said. "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking."

What's a robot's favorite snack?
Computer chips!

A boy asks his parents for a new computer because his old one is running too slow. His parents tell him it’s not in the budget. Determined, the boy goes into the kitchen, grabs the microwave and food processor, comes back and begins attaching the two appliances together. His parents see the boy and ask him what he’s doing. He says, “First I’m building the microprocessor and then I’ll see what else we got lying around.”

Mom had just returned from shopping and was surveying the ghastly scene in the den. The family computer had been totally smashed into a dozen pieces. "What happened to the PC?" she asked of her 14 year old son. "That was dad's doing," he replied. "As usual he couldn't get it to do what he wanted. I told him to reboot it. That's exactly what he did."

A computer-illiterate called the help desk asking how to change her password. “Okay,” I said, after punching in a few keys. “Log in using the password 123456.” “Is that all in caps?” she asked.

Why didn't The Terminator upgrade to WINDOWS 10? I asked him and his reply was, "I still love VISTA baby!"

While trying to explain to our six-year-old daughter how much technology had changed, my husband pointed to our brand-new desktop computer and told her that when he was in college, a computer with the same amount of power would have been the size of a house. Wide-eyed, our daughter asked, "How big was the mouse?"

SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and a set of shocks. JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Nobody can find it. CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything. STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.