A patient asked the dentist, if it wasn’t nasty to be all the day with the hands in someone's mouth.
The dentist answered "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."

A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him, he says,
"that tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."
The man grabs the dentist's arm, "no way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"
So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."
The man replies, "absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."
So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "here," he says. "Take this pill."
The man asks "What is it?"
The doc replies, "Viagra."
The man looks surprised, "will that kill the pain?" he asks.
"No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth!"

I thought, Miss Smith, that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you were seeing your dentist?
That's right, Sir.
So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre with a friend?
That was my dentist.

"I came in to make an appointment with the dentist." said the man to the receptionist."
"I'm sorry sir." she replied. "He's out right now, but..." "Thank you." interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient.
"When will he be out again ?"

Dentist says to the patient: Could you help me?
Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.
Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock cricket day-night game.

Fred's mother was on the telephone to the boy's dentist. "I don't understand it," she complained,
"I thought his treatment would only cost me $20, but you've charged me $80."
"It is usually $20, ma'am," agreed the dentist,
"but Fred yelled so loudly that three of my other patients ran away!"

A pregnant lady learns from her dentist that she needs a root canal.
She says to the dentist, "Darn ... I'd just as soon give birth as have a root canal."
The dentist replies: "well, make up your mind so I know what position to put the chair in."

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table,
he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the
man next to him he said: "I forgot my teeth."
The man said: "No problem." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth.
"Try these," he said. The speaker tried them.
"Too loose," he said. The man then said: "I have another pair - try these."
The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said: "I have one more pair. Try them."
The speaker said: "They fit perfectly."With that he ate his meal and gave his speech.
After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him.
"I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."
The man replied: "I'm not a dentist. I'm an undertaker."

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: With pain $200 and without pain $100.
Patient: Well, without pain it's cheaper. Pull it WITHOUT pain.
Without anesthesia neither anything, the dentist begins to extract the tooth, when the patient outcry: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!
Hey, WITH pain it costs $200 !!!, replies the dentist.

A patient sits in the dental chair with severely fractured front teeth.
After discussing how they will be restored and what the fee would be the patient says:
"Before we begin, Doc, I gotta know: Will I be able to play the trumpet when you are finished?"
The dentist replies: "Sure you will! "
The patient replies "Great, I couldn't play a note before!"

While I was waiting to see the dentist, a woman came out of his inner office smiling. Nodding to me, she said:
"Thank goodness my work is completed. I’m so glad to have found a painless dentist and one who’s so gentle and understanding too."
When seated in the dentist chair, I related the incident to the doctor.
He laughed and explained, "Oh, that was just my Mother."

A particularly voluptuous lady entered the dentists surgery in an obvious state of agitation.
The dentist tried to calm her down assuring her that he would do nothing to hurt her.
She sat down in the chair and started fidgeting nervously as the dentist began sterilizing all the required equipment.
When he asked her to open her mouth, she screamed.
So he tried to calm her down again even though he was losing patience.
Almost immediately the lady threw a hysterical fit, then realizing that the dentist had begun glaring at her,
she said: "Oh doctor, I'm so nervous. I hate dentists.
Why, I think I'd rather have a baby than have a tooth drilled."
Replied the dentist " Well Miss, better make up your mind fast so that I can accordingly adjust the chair."

A dentist was examining a patient and said: "I've got to be honest, your teeth are very clean but they are the most badly chipped and damaged set I've seen.
What on earth are you doing to cause this?"
"Well, I'm a nervous guy and I do a lot carpentry work" said the man sheepishly.
"I don't understand," the dentist said.
"Well, I can't seem to stop biting all my nails."

Even though telemarketers are slightly less beloved than dentists and tax auditors,
that's the job my friend took during his summer vacation.
Halfway through one of his sales pitches, he heard a clicking at the other end of the line.
Thinking the man may have hung up, he asked,
"Are you still there?"
"Yeah, still here," said the man.
"Sorry, I heard a click and I thought you'd been disconnected."
"No," the man said: "that would sound more like this."
He then proceeded to show me what it would sound like by slamming down the phone.

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: $200
Patient: $200 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly, if you like.