A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories. As I enjoy two servings per night and a few more on weekends, I consume 3,500 calories of chocolate in a week, which equals to one pound of weight per week. Therefore, in the last three and a half years, I have had a chocolate caloric intake of about 180 pounds. I only weigh 165 pounds, so without chocolate, I would have wasted away to nothing about three months ago. I owe my life to chocolate!

"Look at this mess!" roared an angry customer at a local cafe, pointing to his squashed doughnut. "It's just as you ordered it, sir," the waitress replied meekly. "What do you mean?" barked the customer. "You told me to bring you coffee and a doughnut and step on it."

One morning my wife asked our four-year-old son, Jud, what he wanted for breakfast. ”Soup,” he said. “Son, we don’t eat soup for breakfast. We eat soup for lunch. So what would you like for breakfast?” “Lunch,” he replied.

Jack's New Year's Eve party was an annual occurrence with numerous guests arriving. During the evening, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily although no one knew who he was, and was led to where the food was, in the kitchen. He sat there happily, chatting away for a couple of hours before it all clicked. "You know," he confided to Jack, "I wasn't even invited to this party. I just came over to tell you that some of your guests' cars are blocking my driveway." He continued, "My wife's been sitting out in the car waiting for me to get them moved, so that we can go out."