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LAWYER DOCTOR

"There are no other doctors on duty.
The reason I’m here is that after the malpractice suit the sheriff seized everything in my office.
This is the only place that I can practice."
"If you give me something to relieve the pain I will personally appeal your case to a higher court."
"You know, Dobbins, I was sure that you were a prime candidate for a kidney stone."
"You can’t tell a man is a candidate for a kidney stone just by looking at him."
"That’s what you think, Dobbins.
You had so much acid in you when you addressed the jury I knew some of it eventually had to crystallize into stones.
Remember on the third day when you called me the "Butcher of Operating Room 6? That afternoon I said to my wife,
"That man is going to be in a lot of pain.’ "
"Okay, Doc, you’ve had your ounce of flesh. Can I now have my ounce of Demerol?"
"I better check you out first."
"Don’t check me out, just give the dope."
"But in court the first question you asked me was if I had examined the patient completely.
It would be negligent of me if I didn’t do it now. Do you mind getting up on the scale?"
"What for?"
"To find out your height. I have to be prepared in case I get sued and the lawyer asks me if I knew how tall you were."
"I’m not going to sue you."
"You say that now. But how can I be sure you won’t file a writ after you pass the kidney stone?"