The judge reviews the divorce case very carefully and issues his judgement.
"Mr Smith, I am going to give your wife $750 a month."
Mr. Smith's replies, "That's very nice of you, judge.
And every once in a while I will send her a little extra too."



The judge warned the witness, "Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?"
"I do."
"Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?"
"Sure," said the witness. "My side will win."



At a court date the judge asked: "What makes you think the prisoner was drunk?"
"Well, your honor," replied the arresting officer,
"I saw him lift up the manhole cover and walk away with it, and when I asked him what it was for he said:
"I want to listen to it on my record player."