Doris: "Mom, did you want a boy or a girl?" Mom: "I just wanted to watch a movie."

When my brother and I were very small my mother took us with her when she visited a girlfriend. The lady gave my brother and I an apple. My mother said, "What do you say to the nice lady?" My brother replied, "Peal it."

Me: "Why did the chicken cross the road?" 8 yr old nephew: "To get to the idiot's house." Me: "Oh... uh... yeah, good one, haha." 8 yr old nephew: "Wanna hear another one? Knock knock..." Me: "Who's there?" 8 yr old nephew: "The chicken."

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes... And it was performed by the child sitting behind me on Delta flight 963 from LA to Tokyo.

One day a child at my four-year-old's preschool class told her classmates that she needed a 'damp towel.' Some of the other kids thought she said a naughty word and told on her. The teacher stepped in to explain, "If your mommy asked you to bring her a damp towel, what does she want?" A little girl blurted out, "She means she wants that towel right now!"

A young kid found an old lamp. As always the lamp was rubbed and a genie appeared granting 3 wishes. Genie: I will grant you 3 wishes! Kid: I wish math didn't exist. Genie: DONE! You have no more wishes!