Four strangers traveled together in the same compartment of a European train. Two men and two women faced each other.
One woman was a very wealthy and sophisticated 70 year old lady who was decked out in the finest of furs and jewelry.
Next to her Sat a beautiful young woman, nineteen years old--who looked like something right off the cover of a fashion magazine.
Across from the older lady was a very mature looking man in his mid-forties who was a highly decorated Sergeant Major in the Army. Next to the Sergeant Major sat a young private fresh out of boot camp.
As these four strangers traveled, they talked and chatted about trivial things until they entered an unlighted tunnel, and there they sat in complete darkness and total silence, until the sound of a distinct kiss broke the silence; following the kiss a loud slap could be heard throughout the cabin.
In the ensuing period of silence the four strangers sat quietly with their own thoughts.
The older lady was thinking, "Isn't it wonderful that even in this permissive day and age there are still young women who have a little self-respect and dignity?"
The young woman, shaking her head and greatly puzzled, asked herself, "Why in the world would any man in his right mind want to kiss an old fossil like that when I'm sitting here?"
The Sergeant Major, rubbing his sore face, was outraged that any woman could ever think that a man in his position would try to sneak a kiss in the dark.
The private, grinning from ear to ear, was thinking, "What a wonderful world this is when a private can kiss the back of his hand and then smack a Sergeant Major in the face and get away with it!"

A US Army soldier sat in a bar with his head in his hands having just finished his first day of Airborne training.
His buddy sat down on the stool next to him and asked him what was the matter.
"I just finished my first day in Airborne training and it didn't go too well", he sighed.
"What happened?", his buddy asked.
"Well, we got over the jump zone, the green light came on and we all hooked up to the jump line.
We shuffled to the door and when it was my turn, I just froze. I couldn't jump."
"What happened then?", his buddy asked, concerned.
"Well the jump sargeant started yelling at me.
He said: Boy, if you don't jump right now, I'm going to shove my fist up your ass!"
"Did you jump?"
"Well, a little at first."

An army general, a navy admiral, and a marine brigadier were arguing about which branch had the bravest men.
To settle the argument, they each called their bravest enlisted man to attention.
The admiral called out Seaman Jones.
"Seaman Jones, I want you to climb up that flagpole!"
The sailor saluted, climbed the flagpole, and came back down.
"That's nothing," said the general. "Private Smith, I want you to climb that flagpole, stand on top, and salute!" The private, with no hesitation, climbed the flagpole,
stood on top, and saluted, then came back down.
"Ha! Watch this," the brigadier retorted. "Private Adams,
I want you to climb that flagpole, stand on top, sing the national anthem, salute, and jump off!"
The marine private looked at the flagpole, looked at the brigadier, and said: "Go to hell, Sir!"
The brigadier beamed, turned back to the general and the admiral and said: "See! Now THAT is brave!"
Soldier:Just one sir!
soldier:Why dont they allow gay pople in the army?
General:Corpral shoot that man!!
Corpral:I cant sir he's kind of cute!

At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture.
"What a great realist that painter is!" he exclaimed.
"What painter?"
"The one that painted this picture 'Soldiers at Work'."
"Yes, hut something is wrong there. Those soldiers aren't working at all!"
"That is just the greatest stroke of realism in the picture!"

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans.
The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off."
The English prisoner said: "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing."
The German replied: "Yeah that will not be a problem."
A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off.
The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time."
"Yeah, that will be done," says the German.
The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off.
Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before."
The German replies, "Ok."
Next day the German tells him they have to cut his other leg.
"Well," begins the Brit, "could you just…"
"NO!" Snapped the German. "We think you are trying to escape!

An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks:
"What’s your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What’s your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed. "What’s your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What’s your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed. "What’s your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What’s your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"

A Fighter pilot is escorting a Cargo plane on along boring mission.
The two pilots were talking over the radio and got into an argument about who's plane was better.
The Fighter pilot said "My Fighter's better Watch what I can do." And promptly completed an intrigate series of manuvers of barrel rolls, loops and other such manuvers.
The Cargo pilot said "Well, my planes better... watch what I can do..."
The Fighter pilot expectantly watched the Cargo plane for several minutes, but the Cargo plane remained flying straight. After a while the Fighter pilot called up the Cargo pilot and said "You didn't do anything."
The Cargo pilot replied
"Sure, I did. I just got up stretched my legs, went to the bathroom and got myself a fresh cup of coffee."

Two Generals were preparing for battle.
The first General calls his aide and says "Bring me my red uniform!"
The other General asks why he would wear a red uniform.
The first General explains that if he gets wounded then his soldiers won't see the blood and lose their courage.
The other General thinks about this, then calls to his aide "Bring me my brown uniform!"

This elderly Italian guy goes to his parish priest and asked if he would hear his confession.
The priest assured him that he would, and the two took up the customary positions on either side of the divider.
"Well, Father," began the old man, "At the beginning of World War II a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans.
So I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing," interjected the priest, "But it's certainly nothing you need to confess!"
"It's gets worse Father," continued the elderly fellow, "I was weak and I told her that she had to repay me for hiding her, by providing me with sexual favors."
The priest contemplated this disclosure for a minute and then responded, "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a very large risk.
You would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her.
I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil of your acts, and judge you kindly."
"Thank you Father," said the old man.
"That's a load off my mind!
Can I ask another question?"
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
The old man asked, "Do I have to tell her that the war is over?"

The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert.
During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
Well, sir," is the reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women.
And sir, sometimes the men have ... urges.
That's why we have the camel,sir."
"The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges, and asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent .
Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has sex with the camel.
When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"
"No sir," the First Sergeant replies.
"They usually just ride the camel into town."

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.
It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised.
Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch.
Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:
"If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries.
If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.
Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

A guy was telling about this girl Sue who disguised herself as a man and joined the army.
"But, wait a minute," said his friend, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them, too, won't she?"
"Sure," replied the guy.
"Well, won't they find out?"
The guy shrugged. "Who's gonna tell?"

The Commanding General is supposed to visit the unit, so, in order to appear snappy, the captain stations a private as a sentry outside the front door.
"Inform me immediately upon the General's arrival," the captain orders the Private.
"Yes sir!" the Private Responds.
An hour goes by, and the General hasn't arrived.
The worried Captain checks with the Sentry.
"Did the General arrive?"
"No Sir!"
Another 1/2 hour goes by and the captain, getting nervous, checks with the sentry again?
"Hasn't the General arrived yet?"
"No Sir!"
This continues for two hours.
Finally, the General arrives.
"Where the hell have you been?" snapped the private, "The captain's looking for you!"

During the Iraq War, As a soldier was saying good-bye to his family, his five-year-old son, James, held his leg and started pleading not to leave.
"No, Daddy, please don't go!" he kept repeating.
They were beginning to make a scene when his wife, desperate to calm him, said:
"Let Daddy go and I'll take you to get a pizza." Immediately, James loosened his death grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said: "Bye, Daddy."

On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night,
when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, "Are there any friendly bears listening?"
After a moment, another voice replied: "Yes, I'm a friendly bear," and then another voice, "I'm a friendly bear too!"
At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and
let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on an radio link. When he had finished, there
was silence for about ten seconds.
Then a small voice said: "You're not a very friendly bear, are you?"