2 surgeons are sitting down having lunch. They are both engaged in a conversation when all of a sudden, one of the surgeons starts laughing hysterically. A dermatologist walks over to their table to join them. He asked the surgeons: "What's so funny?" One of the surgeons replies: "You wouldn't understand. It's an inside joke."
Ashok: Why did you run away from operation Table ? Ramesh : The nurse was repeatedly saying- "don't get nervous" ,"don't be afraid. "Be strong" This is a small operation only." Ashok : So what was wrong in that? Why are you so afraid? Ramesh: She was talking to the surgeon!
When the patient wakes up from the anaesthetic, he notices that he is missing not only his tonsils but also his appendix. Horrified, he confronts the professor.
The doctor replies: "After the first operation was so successful, my students wanted an encore.
The patient says to the doctor: "Doctor, I am so incredibly excited. This will be my first operation!"
The doctor says: "I feel the same way."
Four surgeons sit around discussing their favorite patients.
The first surgeon says, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order."
The second surgeon says, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is in numerical order."
The third surgeon says, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up, everything is color coded."
The fourth surgeon says, "I like operating on politicians."
The other three surgeons look at each other in disbelief.
The fourth surgeon continues, "Because they're heartless, gutless, spineless, and the ass and head are interchangeable."
An auto mechanic in the hospital was chatting nervously with his surgeon while being prepped for an operation. "Sometimes I wish I'd gone into your line of work," he told the doctor. "Everything you doctors do is so cut and dried and tidy. With me, I spend half a day taking an engine apart and putting it back together, and it seems like I always have a couple of parts left over." "Yes," said the surgeon. "I know the feeling."
"I'm scared" says the patient on the operating table.
"Don't worry" says the surgeon. "I have performed this operation over 3,000 times."
Says the patient: "I'm relieved about that!
"Exactly", says the surgeon. "It has to work sometime!"
What is the difference between an internist, a surgeon, a psychiatrist and a pathologist?
The internist has a clue, but can't do anything.
The surgeon has no idea, but can do everything.
The psychiatrist has no idea and can do nothing, but has an understanding of everything.
The pathologist knows everything, can do everything, but is always late.
Emergency room at the hospital: A young woman has to be operated on immediately because of acute appendicitis. Undressed on the operating table, it is revealed that her pubic hair is dyed green. Above it a tattoo: "Stay away from grass!"
After the operation, the bandage read: "Sorry, but the grass had to be mowed."
The senior doctor meets a young colleague who has just come out of the operating theatre:
"Well, how was your first operation?"
He turns red as a beetroot: "Surgery? I thought it was an autopsy."
Three Surgeons meet in a bar and talk about their work. The first one says "I sew 2 fingers that were cut off back on a guys hand, and I did it so well that he still became a famous pianist".
The second one says "Thats nothing, I sew a guys legs back to his torso and did it so well that he still was able to win gold in the olympics". The third one says "a cowboy and his horse were hit by a train and the only thing i had left to work with was the guys ass and the horses blond mane. I did my best and the guy became president of the USA".
A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says: "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question.
The engine is to the car as the heart is to the body. Why is it that you make some much more money than me?" The doctor examines the engine carefully and says: "try fixing it while the engine is running."