What is Sisko’s favourite breakfast cereal?
Quarker Oats!

Why did Mr Scott cross the road?
Because his transporter beam wasn't working!!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To boldly go where no chicken had gone before!

Why did Spock cross the road?
Because it was logical!

How do you stop yourself from falling out of a Bird of Prey?
You have to Klingon!

What do you call two science officers having an argument?
Science Friction!

If Spock has pointy ears, then what does Scotty have?

Why is Star Trek so successful?
Because it has good Genes!

What illness did everyone on the Enterprise catch that made them red and itchy?
Chicken Spocks!

Why did Riker die from friendly fire?
Because Picard ordered "Fire at Will!"

What did Scotty say when little shards of ice began hitting the Enterprise?
"Captain, we are being hailed!"

Why was Captain Picard so confused when the android disappeared? Because they'd lost their Data!

How does a Romulan frog stay camouflaged?
He uses a croaking device!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Computer: "Insufficient information."

Why did Spock scan the toilet?
He was looking for the captains log.

How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
Three. A right ear, a left ear and a final front-ear!

What is Commander Riker's favourite hobby?
Sewing, because Captain Picard is always saying "Make it so!"

Where do the Borg go to eat fast food?
Borger King!

What's it called when a crew member on Deep Space 9 runs as fast as he can?
Worf Speed!

What are glasses called on planet Vulcan?

Why did the Romulan cross the road?
To conquer the other side!

Why did the Borg cross the road?
Because it assimilated the chicken!

What do you call a Klingon with half a brain? A genius!

How do you get a one-armed Klingon down from a tree? Wave to him!

Why did the Enterprise have to go to the garage for repair? It needed new Spock plugs!

What did the first officer say when Captain Picard asked him why he let Troi win at poker?
Because I Riker!

What is Riker’s approach to dating? If at first you don’t succeed, try Troi again!

How many Enterprise crew does it take to change a light bulb?
I'm not sure, but I know they'll blow up at least one shuttle while they're doing it!

How many Ferengi does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it, and one to sell the broken bulb!

How many Borg does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them, because they are one!

How many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Real warriors aren't afraid of the dark!

How many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and one to shoot the first in the back and take all the credit!

How many Original Series landing party crew members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one, but the extra red-shirt will die whilst they're changing it!


Program the replicator in Troi's room so that it won't make chocolate.

Replay file tape of Borg ship on main viewer.

Tell Data that Starfleet has decided to dismantle him.

Put a sign on Worf's back that says "Kick Me!"

Lock Picard in the children's schoolroom with several children and no adults. The children will think it's a joke on HIM, unil he starts singing to them.

Pretend you've been taken over by an alien being.

Yell into your communicator, "Captain, the antimatter containment fields are collapsin'."

Put a small speaker in Dr. Crusher's bedroom playing garbled voices.

Substitute some of Dr. Crusher's moss with moss showing 24 hours more growth.

What does Star Trek and Toilet Paper have in common?
Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!

What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman?
"Make it sew."